So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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