as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
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I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
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At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
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