He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
