We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Randomize
