She went from zero to smokin in five shots
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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