If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
