If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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