if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
