Swine flu is the new snow day.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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