Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
