i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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