party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
