it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
