doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
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There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
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That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize