Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
