Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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