I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
