I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
