You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
