Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
