Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
