plz talk dirty to me
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
