I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
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