My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
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