he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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