sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
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