Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
