and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
