I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
