Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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