You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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