**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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