I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
