I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I puked a lego.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
