You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
