Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
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Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
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Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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