But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
