I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
