considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
