The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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