Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I pour the whiskey from now on
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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