all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
