doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
