He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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