I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize
