dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
