Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
