I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
birth control should be required to get into college
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
