She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
We have started to decorate penises.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Sext me about skeletons
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
