I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Someone came in the potted fern
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
