is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
