Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
