heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
