so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
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I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
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Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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