You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
