cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
