Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
