I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
