Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Found the puke drawer
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize