i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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