his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
