My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
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