I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
