i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
