Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
i may or may not be watching the land before time
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
