If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
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He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
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Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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