i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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