I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize