just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
