Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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