Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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