he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize