Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
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