$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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