I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
