I am spending my child support on dildos
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
