Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
