i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Well I just put wine in my tea
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
