idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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