Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
the raccoons are back...
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