Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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