Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
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come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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