Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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