ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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