he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
