You smell like stripper and shame
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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