My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Randomize
